


Note to Self: Make sure your Husband is Straight

by Hella_gay_and_highly_illogical



Category: Falsettos - Lapine/Finn
Genre: Attempt at Humor, F/M, M/M, Misunderstandings, gay Mendel? Read to find out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-12
Updated: 2018-06-04
Packaged: 2019-03-03 19:20:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13347822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hella_gay_and_highly_illogical/pseuds/Hella_gay_and_highly_illogical
Summary: Trina fears that her newlywed, Mendel Weisenbachfeld, doesn’t have a ‘female thing’. She decides to seek help from her ex, Marvin.





	1. Chapter 1

It was a lazy Sunday afternoon, and Jason was off at Marvin’s for the weekend. Mendel, the sweet little man that he was, offered the idea of them strolling downtown to their favorite little deli and getting a bite to eat. Unfortunately, being Mendel, he failed to realize that nearly everyone would be out doing the exact same thing in the wonderful spring weather. 

By the time they arrived, Bass and Schweitzer kosher deli was filled to the brim with kvetching bubbes and zaydes, getting their knishes and lox. 

Right across the street, because this is New York (very Jewish-y), was another deli, Glicks, with the same affliction. Mendel would probably have a panic attack surrounded by a gaggle of old women, who would all be spouting the same spiel about how he’s too skinny, so they went further downstream and chose a cafe. 

It was kosher, thankfully, and they both sat down in a wee booth, next to the window. Mendel loves to people watch, and from his vantage he could see all of the cafe, and outside. They ordered, Mendel just getting some tea and Trina getting some blintzes.

After they got their food, Trina was happy just basking in the presence of her newlywed. How his face was so serious when watching people commute to and fro. 

Suddenly, his eyes widened slightly and he took a sharp intake of breath, his face turning a flushed pink. Trina smirked as she turned around expecting to see a Farrah Fawcett lookalike or whatever.

As soon as she turned around, she could tell she was in for a load of tsirus. 

The cafe was nearly empty, and the only person to walk in was unmistakably a man.

The man was tall, lean, with a boyish face and smoldering dark eyes. He conducted an air of authority around him, and had a true devotion to style. A pair of dark brown bell bottoms, a burnt orange shirt (the first three buttons tastefully undone), a pair of loafers, and mirrored aviators perched on the top of his head to complete the look. 

Trina almost had a fit when she realized he looked almost exactly like Whizzer, save for the fact he had bleach blonde hair, styled in a signature Whizzer quiff. 

She turned back around, as nonchalantly as she could, and looked at Mendel. He was in awe, nearly drooling. 

She cleared her throat purposefully, and forced herself to smile at Mendel.

“Shall we get going, dear? We’re both done.”

Mendel barely looked at her. “Sure...” he mumbled, not taking his eyes off the mysterious Whizzer imposter. 

They were quickly back on the street, walking home. She was lost in thought, her brain on overload. 

“Great, i remarry and *he’s* gay too?” Trina thought to herself.


	2. Chapter 2

The next time it happened was about three weeks later, and Trina had almost forgotten about Mendel getting all hot and bothered over a man. Guy. Dude. Bro. Hombre. A person with male genitalia. 

Alright, Trina wasn't over it whatsoever. 

Trina and Mendel were in Glick's, buying kosher food for Passover. Trina was exhausted, getting all the kitniyot out of the house and making sure Jason didn't bring any back into the house, and making sure he wasn’t still buying the daily cinnamon roll he'd buy on his way back from school was an even larger hassle than convincing Jason to eat his gifilte fish was going to be. Metaphorically 'selling' it was easy, however. Dr. Charlotte and Cordelia were gracious enough to take their boxes of food and stick it in their pantry until Passover was over. 

Mendel was in charge of finding the right brand of matzo while Trina navigated her way at the deli counter. He shuffled around, not really paying attention to anything but the boxes on the shelf. At last, in the very corner, he saw one last box of the only kind of matzo Jason would eat without kvetching. He reached for it, not realizing someone else was too. Their hands met. Startled, Mendel looked up and almost had his breath knocked out of him. Oy vey… it was the same handsome stranger from the cafe. The stranger was wearing garish, skin-tight purple pants and a horribly patterned orange shirt, but inexplicably could pull the look off and look absolutely breath-taking despite being dressed like a human acid trip. Mendel blushed and pulled his hand away as if he was burned. The stranger smiled.

"Sorry, I didn't notice you wanted this box too. Here, have it." He said, handing the box to Mendel. Mendel blushed even harder and grabbed the box with shaking hand. 

"T-thanks, it's the only kind my stepson will eat." He stuttered out and the man grinned.

"Picky stepson eh? Well then, I'm glad you accidentally grabbed my hand, me being the gracious person I am. Maybe sometime we can grab coffee…?" The last part of his sentence came out in almost a whisper, accompanied by a sexy quirk of his brow. 

Mendel's brain short-circuited. He ran away from the man, into the next aisle, where he was face to face with Trina. 

"Hey, Trina!" He practically yelled, much louder than usual. "I got the matzo!" 

She smiled shakily. "I see that dear… shall we check out?" She asked, and he viciously nodded his head, practically sprinting to the checkout. She trailed after him, lost in thought, thinking about the scene that just unraveled itself in front of her.

Trina internally screamed at herself. What the hell was she going to do?

.*.*.*.*.*.*.  
At the first Seder  
.*.*.*.*.*.

Marvin finished the last prayer over the korech before it was time for the meal.  
"Alright!" Trina smiled widely. "Time to eat. Marvin, will you accompany me in the kitchen so we can plate the food?"

"Oh Trina, why can't Mendel do it?" Marvin groaned before plopping into his chair.

"Marvin, I would *love* if you accompanied me into the kitchen. Right now." She said, still smiling, but with eyes that stared daggers. He quickly stood up and shuffled into the kitchen after her.

"What is it?"

"Mendel. I think... I think he's gay."

"Mendel?! Mendel Weisenbachfeld?! Gay?!" Marvin looked incredulous. 

"Yes, Mendel Weisenbechfeld! A few weeks ago I saw him practically drooling over some man in a cafe, and then just two days ago he was mooning over the exact same man in Glick's!" Trina whisper-shouted with a concerned look on her face. Marvin was trying to stifle his laughter.

"That's not even the worst part!" She said hurriedly. "This guy looks almost exactly like Whizzer! Blonde, but besides that it's uncanny." Marvin burst out laughing at that. 

"Oh my G-d Trina, you just have amazing taste in men, don't you? I'd feel sorry for you but this is just too funny." He wheezed, his hands on his knees. 

At this moment. Whizzer sauntered into the kitchen. "Well, I must say if this is the case, Trina, Mendel has impeccable taste."

Trina looked outraged that Whizzer was snooping, but before she could say anything he continued. "I could help, you know. Just let me hang out with Mendel tomorrow. I'll get him to spill his guts." Whizzer smiled reassuringly and stood next to Trina, giving her a pat on the shoulder. "It'll be ok. I know he loves you." 

"I know he does too, but what if-" Trina started, but Marvin cut her off this time. 

"Don't worry more than you have to. We'll help you." They all hugged Trina, before starting to help her plate dinner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for this taking so long, I just haven't had time to update! Hope you enjoyed, and don't forget to leave kudos if you liked it! :)


	3. Chapter 3

"-And my frog, Hoppy, is sure to win! He's got major jumping skills and the contest is later today at four in the park, can we go? Please?" Whizzer and Jason were sitting in Trina's kitchen, and Jason was happily spouting information to Whizzer about his upcoming frog jumping competition he had enlisted "Hoppy" in, and Whizzer had been listlessly listening, not paying attention. 

That is, until Mendel walked in. 'If I were to convince Mendel to come along as well, this could be the perfect opportunity to spy for Trina', Whizzer thought. Suddenly, he perked up.

"Jason, I would *love* to go with you! Mendel!" Mendel jumped like a spooked cat and looked at them, almost dropping the mug of coffee he was pouring. "Mendel, come with us! Jason would love if you came too, and it gives us some time to chat." Whizzer said, and Jason looked so hopeful that Mendel couldn't possibly refuse.

"O-of course! Let me put on some shoes, and we can head out." Mendel exclaimed, and they were out of the door a few moments later,

As soon as they got to the park, Jason buzzed away with his froggy and ran towards the contest. Whizzer and Mendel sat on a park bench together nearby, basking in comfortable silence, people-watching.

Soon enough, a very attractive man walked past their bench. Mendel was eyeing him, the intent of his look quite obvious. Whizzer quirked his mouth. "Damn, what a good-looking hunk of man." He said casually. 

"Oh, yeah... he's hot..." Mendel absentmindedly replied. A split second later he realized his mistake and looked at Whizzer with a mortified expression, whereas Whizzer's face showed nothing but pure amusement.

"So, the cat comes out of the bag. Not as straight as one might think, eh?" Whizzer started, and before Mendel tried to interrupt him he continued. "I don't care. Obviously. But I care about Trina. She's already accidentally married a gay once, it doesn't have to happen again." Mendel's expression softened as he realized Whizzer wasn't upset. He sighed.

"Look, I'm not gay."

"You were checking out the ass of a man. Aaand you're trying to tell me you're not gay."

"No, I am attracted to him. But, I'm not gay! I love Trina. I'm attracted to her, too, I mean, have you seen her? Her eyes, her lips, her breas-" 

"Okay, okay, I get it. So, you're bisexual?" Whizzer interrupted. Mendel smiled.

"Yeah, I guess I am," Mendel said, smiling softly to himself. Whizzer slapped him on the shoulder.

"Don't you think you should tell Trina then? She's worried to death you're like my dear old Marvin." Whizzer replied, and Mendel paled.

"Oh no, Trina! I hope this doesn't upset her..." Just then, Jason ran up to them.

"Hoppy won!" He screamed. The joy he was emanating was infectious, and soon Whizzer and Mendel were smiling as well. They congratulated Jason, Mendel with a hug and Whizzer with a bubbly high-five and the promise of Carvel soft serve as soon as Passover was over. They parted ways at the crosswalk, Whizzer walking to the subway back to his and Marvin's shared apartment uptown, and Mendel and Jason walking the short distance back to their place. 

As soon as Mendel walked through the door, he gently led Trina to the bedroom and sat down next to her on the bed.

"Trina, I know you're aware I have been seemingly attracted to men recently..." Mendel started, and Trina's face must've shown her trepidation about what he was going to say next because he quickly finished his sentence with "but I'm not gay." She let out a sigh of relief. 

"I'm bisexual. And committed to this relationship. There's no one else I love, and no one, male or female, and no one who could replace you. You're my dearest, and I love you. This won't change a thing about our relationship. I'm still the same me, and you're still the same you." Mendel sat back once he was finished, gauging her reaction. 

Trina smiled. "Oh Mendel, that's honestly exactly what I was hoping you'd say. I love you." 

And they softly kissed, and all was well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I technically kept my promise of having it out today, even though it's almost midnight... Sorry for such the long wait. I feel I should credit that I got the inspiration for Jason to enter a frog jumping competition from the 1970-1975 television show The Odd Couple, where the son of a main character does the same thing. 
> 
> If you enjoyed, be sure to leave kudos and comment what you'd like to see me write next! :)

**Author's Note:**

> Definitions for Yiddish words-  
> Kvetching- complaining  
> Bubbes and Zaydes- grandmas and grandpas  
> Spiel- long winded speech  
> Tsirus- trouble


End file.
